Repost of The Beshears Karma

Now that it is too late for Jennie to back out on becoming one of us - I thought I would repost this lesson in Beshearshood. Read it and weep, Jennie, it's too late you have officially been afflicted.

The Beshears Karma
Anyone in our family can tell you that as a group we have the most unusual Karma. Take us to a restaurant no matter how classy and if there is one obnoxious A**hole in the place we will be seated next to them. Actually this rule applies to all public events and functions as well.
Projects are afflicted with the need to make at least a dozen trips to various stores to obtain tools, parts, etc. that we already have but can no longer locate. Which means our projects never truly end and the cycle of beginning, restocking, running out of time just repeats over and over again in a dizzying circle.
Trips are the best though. Any trip involving any member of the Beshears family can prove to be something that could be filmed for a revival of the Three Stooges. We might forget to obtain sufficient cash for our trip, leave our debit card at home and then experience a car part failure of epic proportions. We are capable of getting lost in places we have been before. We have engaged the house alarm only to go back in to retrieve something quickly and drive off leaving our home alarm alerting, police, firemen, etc. while we are blissfully oblivious of the chaos that ensues at home.
We have been known to set off our household smoke alarm while merely taking a shower. The fire department finally quit coming so if we ever have a legitimate fire, we are losing everything we own due to "crying wolf" waaaay too many times.
We have welded items of jewelry to our bodies while changing a car battery.
We have hammered our fingers & banged our heads (sometimes twice on the same object within 5 minutes.)
We (meaning I) have bagged a seemingly dead possum in a force flex trash bag only to have the possum escape taking trash bag with it. This one still really bothers me.
We (meaning I) have trapped my car inside the garage with a broken garage door which meant I couldn't get my car out.
We (meaning I) have gotten my big fat butt stuck atop a 6 foot privacy fence trying to retrieve a dumb dog that can't stay in her own yard (shame there's no pictures.) However, I did have severely bruised inner thighs to show for that one.
We are dangerous to ourselves and other living creatures and yet we survive. However, approach us with caution. Because if we don't kill you with our Karma, you might just die laughing.