Never Bring a Bologna Sandwich to a Banquet

Trying to avoid the “Debbie Downer” personality at all costs isn’t easy…..they are relentless in their pursuit to rob your joy, steal your happiness and make every situation all about them. We all know them, those seemingly tuned in people who can take any circumstance and dig out the microchip of how it affects THEM, ignoring the larger truth.
They miss the point that in any occurrence, there is a pecking order of importance. My car accident will suddenly be about them because they were counting on me to take them to work. Get the picture?
Working for almost two decades in the photography business, I saw the BS (calm down...in this case BS stands for Bologna Sandwich)- all the time. It was especially apparent in those girls who came for senior pictures and brought along a “friend.” Yes, yes, I know…friends are supposed to be those people who will always tell you the truth, those brutally honest observations which are often just simply brutal.
These helpful little souls are the burr under a photographer’s saddle blanket. The human eye does not see what the camera sees and these girls often ruined a “killer” shot by critiquing from the sidelines. Nor can one know what is in the mind of the photographer when setting up a shot. He has something in mind that is unique and lovely. However, by making the model feel insecure and silly, the well meaning (?) friends have accomplished little more than to deprive the artist’s subject of a truly lovely shot.
Coupled with the studio, was a bridal shop. The BSs were at their worst in this venue. Usually the maid of honor, brought along to help the excited bride find the “perfect” dress. All too often the girl who has been chosen to stand alongside the bride was barely concealing her seething jealousy.
You would put the bride in the dressing room with a dress and she would emerge with a shining face and happy smile. Moments later, her smile would start to tremble and the happy switch would be flipped to “off” by a thinly veiled snide comment from the MOH.
There were times I literally had to war with myself to keep from pulling the little bride aside and begging her to please go shopping with her mother and no one else.
Please understand that I did see a lot of really helpful girls who genuinely loved the bride and were as happy for her as could be. They loved everything she put on and their comments were always constructive and delivered with genuine affection for their friend. But, sadly, those personalities are not what this column is about. Suffice it to say, I’ve seen far more Honorillas than Bridezillas in my day.
The Sandwiches like to go on vacations too. Well, they like it as long as it is all their idea, if they get to make all the plans and then dictate what everyone does every second of every day. These downers actually come in all ages, sexes, sizes and colors.
The hubs and I went on vacation once with another couple. Not being blessed with many Vaca opportunities, Roger and I know exactly what we want when we do get away. We enjoy leisurely vacations comprised of sleeping late, drinking lots of coffee, eating too much food from restaurants that are local and not franchised. And, ambling through our days until something strikes our fancy – we have been known to actually sleep through entire vacations from sheer exhaustion. And we never regretted it.
On our joint vacation, finances were slim and so we all consolidated our resources. Unfortunately, in doing so we also relinquished our input into daily activities. We came home from vacation exhausted from trying to live someone else’s vision of the perfect getaway. Actually we felt like we were the overworked and much abused staff on a cruise ship. We still talk about this one and have never shared our precious time away with anyone else.
Then there was the trip to Hawaii with my mom. This one was destined to fail largely because she was terrified of flying. She was also suspicious of strangers, hated crowds and spent the entire time scared that I was going to fall off the balcony of our hotel and plummet to my death. She refused to rent a car and drive around and see anything that couldn’t be reached by foot, taxi or bus. I had the vacation of a lifetime and never got to really experience it.
It is interesting that she talked about that vacation till she passed away. See, there’s the difference in having an experience you control. The controlling sandwich has a great time. The side of potato salad….not so much.
In any relationship – love, friendship, employment or family there must be some give and take. And sometimes we have to just give ourselves over to someone else’s thrilling moments, saving our own for later. But we shouldn’t ALWAYS have to suppress our own joy, wonder and excitement.
I think sometimes it is hard to find excitement in today’s world. Times are tough and often uncertain. We are frequently buffeted from all sides with depressing and disheartening news. If we allow it, life alone will drag us down. We must be vigilant to guard against becoming those “downer” personalities ourselves.
But the good news is that WE are in charge of our own happiness. Where our minds are is critical in making our lives an “up” experience. And, one of the most important things to remember is to surround yourself with people who are happy, positive and ready for anything. And, to the best of our ability, try to bring something wonderful and happy to everyone in our acquaintance as well.
So, when you get all dressed up to go to the banquet, leave your Bologna sandwich at home and feast on everything put on the table for you. Sit with someone you don’t know, make a new friend, try something strange and exotic. Chances are you will lose your taste for the plain and ordinary and begin to crave the wild, unique, exciting and extraordinary.
……and how was your day? I would really like to know. lkbeshears@sbcglobal.net
Peace Out!