Quack….quack....quack!

    

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, chances are it is an Arkansan!

Good grief…if the rains don’t slow, we will be needing boats to navigate our streets.  I’m looking on a good deal on snorkels and swim fins for my outside dogs and would pay a pretty penny for a really good functioning French drain right now.

It seems incredible to  me that while we are drowning so many of my friends are experiencing drought of epic proportions.  I could use a day or two of dry windy Texas panhandle climate and they could sure use some of my water. 

In the meantime……my toenails are now easier to paint.

Something in Here Stinks to High Heaven!

 

Aside from all the truly sobering, sad, reflective and ultimately victorious meanings of Easter that make it such a wonderful holiday – especially for Christians – there are man made traditions that make it simply fun.

Kids get all excited about the Easter Bunny, dyeing colorful eggs and seeking them out in the hidden places said bunny has deposited them.  One of my favorite memories of childhood was the annual Easter egg hunt at Pringle Elementary School.  All the moms came to hide eggs and then the doors were thrown open and we ran like crazed things in search of hard boiled eggs.

One of my faults (or maybe it is a strength) is that in some things I am a purist.  I like real eggs instead of plastic; I like real grass in a basket and not that fake crinkly colored stuff.  ** ahem – part of the reason for this is that fake crinkly stuff kind of scares me but that’s a blog for a different day**

And….I believe in letting your children hide and re-hunt their eggs until the shells are nothing but fragile bits of brokeness having difficulty maintaining their shape.

Even children eventually tire of the hide and hunt and move on to other games and diversions.  But what about the poor eggs?

Make sure you don’t have the experience I had when my darling daughter was but a tot.  Once the game has lost its’ WOW factor – toss those eggs!  Otherwise in July you might notice a slightly nasty aroma wafting from a closet and discover a whole basket of Easter eggs whose nature has taken on a whole different flavor.  Peeyew – those eggs be stankin’!

Anyone Here Seen My Old Friend Thomas?

 

Doubting Thomas that is.  “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it.”

It would seem old Thomas and I have a few things in common.  I kind of like to have proof too.  And then, when I get it, I am amazed by my continual small faith.  And by God’s incredible patience with me when I exhibit that small faith.

So, just as Thomas received his proof, so have I.  Proof that prayers DO work sometimes a little slower than we might like.  But God does know the need and answers indeed.  And, as for me, I am going to try very very hard to be sitting on and squashing down my inner Doubting Thomas in the future.

Needed – One Duck Makeover

So…..we’ve all heard the story about the Ugly  Duckling who eventually turned into a swan.  **Sigh** such an uplifting story about the possibilities of growing into your shortcomings.

Well, now I wonder what happens when the Swan turns into the Ugly Duckling and is forced to try to make it in a world of swans.  What help OR hope is out there for poor Ugly?

Dis - Appointment

 

Well, yesterday I learned that the degree of disappointment you feel over something not working out is exponentially greater given the degree of NEED attached.

When you really need something to work out; you’ve given it everything you have including money you didn’t have to try to tilt the outcome in your favor and it goes south on you anyway – you are disappointed.

And……guess what…..I think you are entitled to your moment of disappointment.  There are no amount of platitudes that make you feel better.  It is one of those human emotions that has to be felt, expressed, healed from and moved away from.

But no one can tell you what that time frame is because it is different for everyone.  And the time involved ALSO has to do with the NEED factor.  People who really are in need seem to not have the necessary reserves of energy, commitment and self assuredness needed to jump right back up and prepare for the next knock out punch.

So…..I am disappointed.  And I will be for a while.  I’m sorry if that makes me a bad person – but if you want to know my  mind and heart – try knowing what it feels like to walk around in my moccasins for a while.

Doot doot doot doot doot doot doot….

 

The theme song from Jeopardy – forever stuck in our heads as the ultimate “the clock is ticking and YOU are running out of time” warning.

I am awful at waiting.  I don’t like to wait for anyone (I think late people are rude), I don’t like waiting on people to make decisions because it postpones me moving on and heading in a different direction.

I might pray for patience but I’m afraid I would get it and then I would be stuck in a holding pattern forever.

So….right now….I need answers, I need resolution and dang it….I need it now!

Pretty, pretty, pretty

 

Today I had a job interview and after the interview I proceeded on to the only steady employment I have at the moment………subbing.  I did not stop at home to change nor did I pass go on the Monopoly board of life.

This afternoon…..a little junior high girl came in to the office to use the phone and as she was waiting, looked at me and said “Oh, your makeup looks sooooo pretty!”

She is destined to be my very own personal affirmation builder!  Wonder what she will charge to lie to me every day?

Lord help the mister who comes between me and my sister -

And Lord help the sister who comes between me and my man.

I didn’t grow up with a sister dang it!  I think it would have been so much fun to have someone to play dolls with.  To whisper to in bed at night.  To share my secrets with.  And more importantly, to have later in life to share encouragements, happy times and sad.

By now, G does not remember a time when A wasn’t around being her sister and A has known she had a sister her whole life.  They are close in age, different in personalities.  Similar and yet uniquely individual.  They argue, they hurt each other, they fight.  And something tells me if anyone ever crosses one of them they will have the wrath of the other to deal with.

I’m pretty sure these two don’t really appreciate each other right now, but surely as they grow they each will develop a deep and abiding understanding of that individual they call sister.

It has been fun watching them develop to this stage – I can’t wait for the rest of the ride!

Baby Gag Gag

 

I wonder daily if I’m the only one who stumbles upon the strange and unusual?  Do other people encounter this stuff or am I just a magnet to the weird?

Take this item for instance.  Were you aware there is an ice cream shop in London, England that has come up with what could possibly be the strangest item for sale ever?

They are offering vanilla and lemon infused ice cream made from human breast milk.  It is a pricey little treat at $22.50 a serving.  The name of this frozen delicacy?  Baby Gaga.   Yes, they are also trying to cash in on Lady Gaga’s current popularity (which I have to say I don’t understand either, but each to their own.)

The Lady in question is threatening to sue for trademark infringement and the shop owner reports he is prepared to fight.

It is hard for me to pick a side in this one – the gag factor has me totally undone.

For Sale – 1 Good Employee

 

So…today I had a job interview!  YAY!  After all the hundreds of resumes I have sent out my prayers were answered for a face to face interview.  Huge progress!

Sometimes I wish that finding a job were as simple as just putting up a sign and hoping for the best.  But, nothing worth having comes easily and if I can get this job, I have really done the legwork for it.

This was for an entry level position for an excellent local company.  And as a further plus it is for a company that supplies oil rigs.  Since crude flows through my veins I feel like this would be a perfect fit for me.

I went to sleep every night of my childhood listening to those pump jacks working through the night.  I played around oilfield sludge pits and helped my mom try to launder the oil field out of my dad’s khaki pants and shirts.

I am going to choose to be hopefully optimistic on this one!  In the meantime – For Sale – 1 Really Good Employee – Motivated to find a job.

Ricky Ticky Taxes

 

Tax Time!  And the fellowship said “Hallelujah!”  Aren’t we all glad that we again have the opportunity  to give back to our government that which has been so generously and lovingly given to us.

Oh, wait – let’s see….they gave me Unemployment times 2 and crooked Government contractors who won’t pay THEIR bills -  all at a time that I am too young for Social Security or Medicare and too old to be attractive in the hiring pool. YAY!!!!!!  Can you smell my enthusiasm?  Oops, that may be desperation you are smelling – right now they smell pretty much the same.

And recently, we went through the whole “we may have to shut down the government” thingie.  We were threatened with our military men and women not getting paid, but they were careful to let us know that Income Taxes would still be due.  In other words if you owe them – PAY UP and be DAMN QUICK ABOUT IT.  But if they owe you – it is a S O L situation.

But, I’m not bitter.  No, not even a little bit.  I’m just wondering how to obtain more than 1 voting identity (is it as easy as getting multiple email addresses?)  If it is – there will be a huge flushing sound come election day.

Stretching

 

I think we all pretty much know where the boundaries of our own individual tolerance begin and end.  For my husband, it seems to be that he will tolerate almost anything except embracing the Mets or the Yankees.

I still am learning the boundaries of my own tolerance.  I find the older I get, the more willing I am to live and let live.  I’m telling myself this is a good thing since I grew up around “grown ups” who were pretty universally narrow minded and intolerant.

I had thought myself pretty well “finished” when God gave me an opportunity to “stretch”.  Just as all rubber bands are different so are people.  Some rubber bands are very strong and have the ability to withstand extreme pressure and keep holding everything together.  Conversely, there are other rubber bands that are more delicately made and fragile and require lighter duty in order to retain their shape.

But heavy duty or fun shaped, they are all rubber bands in different forms.  And, each of us is God’s own child.  Loved beyond measure by Him and we should all expect that same love and tolerance of one another.

It’s a Long Long Time From May to December…..

 

Somedays you hear things that make you go HUH!  Followed up by “what the hell where they thinking?”

Today was one of those days.  A very pretty 10th grader who seems to have a problem with school was an issue of note.  Oh she goes to school she just manages to not go to classes.  Turns out her 19 year old boyfriend has custody of her.

So, apparently if you have trouble with your daughter find a nice gang banger to turn her over to.  Yep…that’s gonna help.

Who Knew?

 

Some cereal is now promoting 3 kinds of raisins – who knew there were 3 kinds?  Raisins were always just raisins and they came in those red boxes with the girl wearing the red sun bonnet holding a succulent basket of grapes.    Now I find out there are more than one kind!  I don’t like raisins – even if they are dried grapes (I like grapes) and now I have more to dislike.

Fortunately, I shall never be a raisin.  Since plum is the root word of plump I’m guessing that someday I will just be a dried up old PRUNE.

High Brows & Low Brows – Eyebrows & No Brows

 

You just have to laugh at life don’t you.  I’ve reached the age when I can no longer paint my own toenails.  Number 1 – I can’t see them and Number 2 – I can’t reach them.  I tried letting my hubs paint them once and decided that was a bad idea when my toes ended up looking like kitchen matches – all fire engine red on the ends (skin and all.)

You would think a woman who has 3 daughters (2 of which work in salon settings), 3 daughter in laws, 2 granddaughters of an age of ability and several who would give it the old college try could find someone willing to slap a coat of paint on my toes.  BUT NO! 

It is a sad twist of fate that financially I can’t even afford to pay someone to give me pretty toes.  I’ve learned to deal with it.

But yesterday, I noticed that my eyebrows stop somewhere in the middle of my eyes.  Oh, they are still there, they are just so pale that you can’t see half of them anymore.  This has been nice in the fact that I haven’t felt the need to tweeze because I can’t see them and neither can anyone else, but I’m pretty sure people are going to notice 1/2 of an eyebrow!

Now again, there are people close to me who could remedy this situation for me, but apparently that isn’t going to happen.  So…..I’m thinking about putting a jar in the local Piggly Wiggly to fund a brow do.

**We don’t have Piggly Wiggly here but I just liked the sound of it better than Harps and IGA.**

One Foot Short of a Yard

 

One of the oddest anomalies of my physical make-up is that God did not give me feet of equal proportions to my body.

It wasn’t such a bad deal when I had a little skinny bod – my feet never felt overworked or overloaded.  Now…..not so much.  Because while my body took a turn for the worse, my feet remain little, short, cute blocks of SOLID PAIN AND AGONY!!!

I’m pretty sure if they could speak - they would be shouting “Hey fat girl – lose a few why dontcha!?”  Their inability to speak means they have to resort to burning and throbbing.  They are the focus of my every waking moment and the reason I am in need of narcotics to sleep.

I’m glad there are only 2 of them.  If I were a yardstick I would be 3 feet full of pain.   Calgon…….take me away…..my feet that is.

Wake Up Little Susie

 

I guess you can tell how tired you are by how late you sleep.  I woke up today at 4:00 pm.  Now, I had been awake a couple of times but never fully awake enough to drag myself out of bed.

When I finally decided that I really needed to get up and do something productive with the day, the day was almost over.  I should have felt guilty, but I didn’t.  I did feel extremely grateful that I was able to rest.  It has been a while since I’ve been able to.

One thing I have learned is that when the body, the mind and the spirit become so overwhelmed and exhausted – they will shut down and take you with them.

So……today I rested.  Tomorrow, I will arise to fight anew.

Ya – AB - ba – Dabba – Do

 

I am thinking I need to start carrying a film crew around with me. Oh, I could always stash my trusty Canon in the car, but I’m never quite sure how to approach people and say – “ ‘scuse me - but could I take your picture?” Then, they would want to know why and I would be forced to explain that I need photographic evidence of what I’m seeing.

Practically every day I see people that make me wonder why I worry so much about what I look like in public. There are the people in their jammies in Wal-Mart. Girls who routinely give us a peek through their rear view mirror and share their backsides in low rider pants. Guys who walk around in danger of LOSING their pants but amuse us with their creative choices in boxers and the firm grip they have in the central area of their pants to keep them from falling around their shoes.

And me? I might change clothes 3 times before I leave the house because I am so aware that if I think I look inappropriate, chances are others will too. And while I love to be laughed at, I would prefer it to be for my superior wit and humor, not my exposure of private areas or clothing that just isn’t right for my body type. I live in cold sweating fear of one day seeing my own picture in the “People of Wal-Mart” photos that go viral every few months.

Today as I was driving, I saw a guy standing on the side of the road. The fellow had his dog on a leash and the man was attired in jeans, tennis shoes and nothing else. No shirt at all and let me tell you, he was sporting a pretty impressive “6 pack.” Really. The “Situation” had nothing on this man, the guy had abs for days. But……………and you knew there’d be a but, didn’t you?........When I got closer, he had to be at least 65 and maybe older.

Now, I am really impressed with this guy’s dedication to keep fit – I think that is an admirable thing. But, I wondered, is he trying to impress someone in particular by walking shirtless with his dog? I’m pretty sure that anyone of the opposite gender who is going to see and be smitten will be someone he would not be interested in.

It has been my experience that those really nice looking and fit fellows in the senior citizen category aren’t looking for a nice senior counterpart. They are probably setting their sights somewhere in the 25 to 30 year age group and those gals will most likely run for the hills unless said fellow has gold lined pockets with diamond be-dazzler accents. Just sayin’.