Follow Up

Once the prayer bell starts ringing you can't stop it. The little baby "Harper" is off oxygen, awake, took a bottle is probably nursing by now, doesn't need a PICC line and is wearing the cutest headbands ever! What an amazing story this has been. I am so glad that I've had the opportunity to follow it. I will always be grateful that Paula D thought to post the link on her blog so I could know this blessing. Hopefully everyone who reads my insignificant little ramblings will continue to pray for Harper and her family as they finally get to have normal days with their new babe.

The Power of Prayer

Or.....why we never know the real meaning of what happens.
I have been following a blog that belongs to a girl named Kelly (thanks Paula D.) Kelly recently gave birth to a baby girl named Harper. Harper was a 9 + pound baby but developed breathing problems immediately. Harper has been on oxygen and asleep since she was born (I'm not sure about this but I guess they keep her asleep in order to not put excess pressure on her lungs?).
The numbers of people who have been praying for this baby are astronomical. And, when I go to check out Kelly's blog I am always uplifted by her faith that God has a plan, is in control and things will be okay. Kelly usually posts pictures on her blog and I've never seen one of her not smiling. She has smiled throughout this long ordeal and she is continually grateful to God for giving her a chance to share her faith. Kelly has reported that several people have contacted her and told her they were led to Christ through their visits to the "Praying for Harper" blog. So to all the nay sayers out there, blogs can accomplish great things and serve a real purpose.
Yesterday, Kelly posted that Harper was on a regular ventilator and she had her eyes open. God truly is good and does answer prayer. I am going to try to post the link to the praying for Harper site. You have to see this baby. If you didn't know she had problems you wouldn't believe it, she is a robust looking little lady. Prayer works, God works....it is only us that stands in the way.

Frizzle, Frain and Crass

Or.....freezing drizzle, freezing rain and crunchy grass.
Beginning yesterday our area began to experience some winter weather events. That is the terminology used by the local weather people to describe what's happening. Ordinarily our area is blessed with very temperate weather. Fort Smith seems to typically be on the very fringes of nasty weather. Of course we all remember the infamous ice storm about 8 years ago.
I personally think ice accumulation is very pretty to look at but it sure can screw up a good day. Broken tree limbs, downed power lines and people who don't know how to drive on it and yet refuse to stay home. Drivers go speeding along at their regular pace until they approach a stop sign and then hit the brakes. It is kind of fun to watch them go sliding through an intersection with their eyes wide and their mouths a perfect 0 of surprise. Then there are the ones, who when a raindrop falls immediately decide to go somewhere (at 5 miles an hour). Honestly, I'm thinking of providing a shuttle service just to keep this group off the road.
I did the typical old lady stuff yesterday before the weather got bad and went to the grocery store. It looked like their truck hadn't come in. What do people do with all the excess milk, bread and eggs they stock up on during weather events? Our bad weather usually lasts a couple of days and is followed up by 60 to 70 degree warming which brings people to Wal-Mart in shorts and flipflops. But I digress, I always concentrate on things I can make in pots that will last several meals and feel nice and warm and comforting. Chicken & Dumplings, soups, beans can tide a person over for a pretty long time. Of course I realize that if the power goes, one can't enjoy these things. But what the heck can you do with an egg if there's no power? I saw one elderly lady yesterday who had 4 dozen eggs in her cart, 3 gallons of milk and 1/2 dozen loaves of bread. One has to wonder if any of this stuff is going to ruin before it is eaten.
Anyway while it is icy - try to enjoy how pretty the ice looks glazing everything. I'm going now to try to convice Jessie that is is okay to piddle on the "crass."

Small Light and the End of a Very DarkTunnel

I spoke with the landscaper today and he told me that the bank had let him know they finally had all the info they needed to make a decision on his loan for the nursery. Please cross your fingers and toes and say mega prayers that he will be able to get this all put together. If they give him a go, then I have a job and that is what I am needing more than anything right now.
I have tried to be optimistically hopeful about this and at the same time not counting on it. I hope given the amount of unemployment around that the bank will look at this as a positive for our community since he will be hiring local people.

Hello? Is this the party to whom I am speaking?

More from mom. Not long ago I noticed I have missed 3 calls from my mom and 3 from her neighbor. Well, of course, I went into a modified stationary panic thinking something horrible had happened. I decided to call mom first on her cell phone and she answered right away. When I inquired what was wrong, she told me that her telephone wasn't working. I said "your home phone isn't working?" to which she replied "neither of my phones are working, I'm at my neighbor's house using her phone." O.........KAY, "Mom, I just called you on your cell phone." "No, you can't call on it, it isn't working that's why I'm at the neighbor's house." "Mom, take the phone away from your ear and look at it, I'm pretty sure you are talking on your cell phone." At this point, I heard her ask someone "What phone am I talking on?" And in the background I heard a soft voice reply "Marie, you are talking on your cell phone." Don't you know her neighbor was wondering why she kept coming over and using her phone when she had a perfectly good cell phone?
My mom and technology are good for laughs any time. Like the time she called me on her land line and told me her cell phone was broken. When I asked what was wrong with it she told me "I opened it up to make a call and I can see my living room in the display." Me: "Mom you have somehow managed to turn on the camera." Mom: "It has a camera?" Me: "Yes, but I didn't want you to know that." (Aside: the reason I didn't want to tell her she had a camera is because I didn't want to have to try to teach her to use it over the phone.)
As I've mentioned before, it would be cruel to use mom as a source of merriment if she had something wrong with her. But she doesn't, she just doesn't remember today what she knew yesterday. Sometimes I think that her memory is selective. If she doesn't deem it important to remember, she doesn't. Plus she doesn't particularly like techno stuff. She is still bemoaning the fact that she can no longer use her analog bag phone in her car.

Laughter.....it's catching

Have you ever noticed how infectious laughter is? Even if something isn't remotely funny to us, the sound of someone else laughing can tickle even the toughest funny bone. I'm a firm believer that crying is good for us, it is cleansing and an amazing release. But laughter rejuvenates the spirit, lightens our burdens and restores our soul.
Last night there were a few members of my family here and we were watching marathon episodes of "Mr. Bean". Even though I was truly ill with a sick headache I couldn't help but find pleasure in the humor of those shows. Even more uplifting was the sound of my terribly mature teen-age grandson getting his tickle box turned upside down. I'm not sure if I laughed more at Mr. Bean or Kody, but in either case, I was grateful for the opportunity to laugh.
Really, I guess all emotion is contagious. It is hard to see someone cry without crying along. Most of us are thrilled over the excitement that someone else is experiencing. But laughter has to be the best we can share with each other.
All my life, I've had one of those laughs. It is annoying to some but it is also memorable. Fortunately, I'm not afraid to laugh. It is my ability to find humor in almost every situation that has kept me sane (well almost.) A couple of years ago I was in a restaurant and toward the end of the meal, a lady approached the table and asked "Is your name Lavetta?" When I affirmed that I was indeed guilty of that dubious honor, she told me "I knew it! I'd know that laugh anywhere!"
I think this is one of the nicest things anyone has every said about me because it occurred to me that there are far worse things I could be remembered for.
So.........take note.......on my tombstone please write "She laughed!" :)

Change Your Spots

"A leopard can never change its' spots." I take this to mean people are what they are and can't change. I don't think there is a cliche in the English language that makes me madder than this one.
Does this mean when people step back, review their behavior and past mistakes they are doomed to repeat them over & over. NOT! I really disagree with this. While we all are products of our environment, gene pool, & upbringing, we are each responsible for our own behavior.
To make excuses for our own bad behavior by citing outside influences is wrong. And to rationalize our actions instead of looking inward makes us excuse makers.
I know few people blessed with a "perfect" childhood. There are no perfect parents, nor are there any perfect children. There are some who come amazingly close. Some try to achieve perfection by being everything to everyone. Well, that's physically impossible because people will unerringly see our shortcomings and fail to see how hard we tried.
Life is learning. Growing up teaches friendship, physical love and parental tolerance. Marriage teaches tolerance of another's imperfections. Parenting is the most humbling learning experience of all. You have brought another human being into the world and you will never love anything the same way you love a child. Therefore, this is the place you are destined to make most of your mistakes.
To parent we draw on our own experiences as children and try to improve the areas we feel we were slighted. But, children are different just as parents are different. You do not parent children the same. They need differently, think differently, feel and react differently. And....the little nose miners keep score. From an early age they can tell you almost to the dollar how much money you have spent on siblings as opposed to what you have invested in them. Interestingly enough those same little human calculators will struggle with math in school. The one thing they cannot tally is the trust and emotion you invest in them as opposed to others. This is why we have all heard and said "Just wait until you have children of your own!"
Unlike a lot of people, I am very hard on myself while at the same time take immense pride in my smallest achievements. I have had to critically assess my own personality and try very hard to make needed improvements.
I am the product of an erratic, negative & critical parent. I've never thought for one moment I was a source of pride. My mom also can be at times, generous, fun, thoughtful and caring. But she is never someone to be counted on. If you prepare for the worst, she will surprise you and do something wonderful. If you expect the best, she will quite often let you down.
I've spent most of my life trying to be the person I thought she needed me to be. Then I tried to be the mother I knew I needed to be. My greatest desire in life was to know that my mother thought me a good daughter and a good mother.
I have tried to give my children a good example to look up to by showing them a hard work ethic and honesty in dealing with others. Unfortunately, at times, I have also shown them things that weren't so positive. As a parent I was frequently too emotional, too critical, too negative and too overly excited about things that didn't matter.
Aging makes you reevaluate many things. And you begin to change your approach to life.
I still fail, but I keep trying. I still worry, but I cling to faith in a brighter tomorrow. I still judge, but not as critically. I still meddle, but less and less everyday. I try to help where I can, little bits of money, chores to ease someone else's burden, a listening ear when someone needs to vent and an honest assessment when I think someone is acting in a manner not worthy of them. Confusing? Maybe a little. I'm still very honest and will give an honest opinion. I try not to hold grudges and I simply don't get mad anymore. Getting mad serves no purpose except to make me feel bad.
So, can you change your spots? Yes you can. I did. But in order to do so you have to first recognize that something is wrong with you. Once that is done you have gone 90% of the way to changing it. Then you guard yourself everyday against the triggers that cause bad behavior. Lastly, relax, relax, relax and realize that not everything that happens in the world is about you, for you or affects you. You are not the center of the universe, you are not the supreme authority on all things wise and wonderful.
What you are is magnificently made, yet flawed just like everyone else. Be careful not to concentrate on the pimple on your neighbor's nose you just might miss seeing the wart at the end of your own.

Being Productive

I spent the day today trying to collect on some old invoices for my husband's business. In trying to bring those to resolution, I had to wonder how much time is wasted all over the world by delaying tactics. Of course, the economy and just the climate of the world in general right now is "iffy" but it is amazing how crafty people are in not paying. If was good for me to use my brain for something other than fiber fill for my skull for a change. And, it also made me remember that I am a pretty good manager of time and skill.
It was probably a nice little boost for my severely beaten ego to remember that I am smart, capable and efficient. Over the course of the past few months, I have let the fact that I don't have a job and that I don't feel like I am terribly valued by many people get me down.
I wasn't able to get much money generated today, but I did get the ball rolling in several different directions that I hope will pay off next week.
I've placed my jewelry in a local salon/spa and maybe that will bring in a little cash which would be nice as well. And, I'm still trying to tie up all the loose ends that are frazzling around the demise of Bellah's Photography. I thought I had everything tucked nicely away today and then received a visit bringing me some more little problems to fix. So all in all I had a busy day and have exercised my brain muscle.
Roger is spending the night in Greenwood tonight with his Dad which means I may actually be able to sleep since I won't be listening to his wracking coughs all night. He has been to the doctor and they say his lungs are clear but he has inflammation in his bronchial and nasal passages. Duh! Can't imagine why, he is still smoking but has said he is going back on Chantix Sunday. I can't wait. It is hard for me to believe that he conquered this demon once and started right back up again. I just do not have the vocabulary skills to adequately describe how very scared I am for his health. Watching Mr. Bellah and my dad both die with emphysema was the worst thing I've ever had to witness and I never want to see it again. Too many of my children smoke, but then they've never seen it up close and personal the way I have. I really think if they had they would be terrified to put themselves in that potential danger.
Well, enough of that. No one cares about that. I really don't have anything funny to report today. Somehow being productive and being funny don't seem to go hand in hand with me. But then there is always tomorrow. :)

YHGTBKM Chapter 2

Okay so after Christmas I get this call from my mother telling me she has figured out what was wrong with the fudge. It turns out she forgot to put any butter in it. I'm surprised she got it to stick together at all.
Oh and the little "popular" package was jewelry. I like the bracelet but the necklace was a bit much. It was black and white. 2 strings of big black and white beads, a silver chain and hanging from the chain was a black plastic (rose?) which hung off to one side in a most peculiar way. Now given the fact that I usually look like an unmade bed on a good day I just didn't think the necklace would enhance any of my outfits so I donated it to the dress up box in the toy closet.
Shhhhhhhhhhhhh, don't tell my mother. On second thought, go ahead, she won't remember it tomorrow.

You Have Got to be Kiddin' Me

My mother, God bless her, could be the source of a best seller. I would think she had Altzheimers but for the fact that she hasn't been able to remember anything for longer than I can remember. And if you know me well, you know my memory is like an elephant, however, I'm not as forgiving as poor Horton was.
All through my life I have tried to take trips down memory lane with my mom. These are lessons in futility because she remembers nothing. Obviously, I was raised by wolves because none of my fond childhood memories strike a chord of remembrance in her.
Over the course of a lifetime with her, she has on numerous occasions sent me the same birthday card two years in a row. This would be okay if they were the generic sentiments in a box where you might have the same card in a box of 25. Nope, these are the high dollar Hallmark kind that she has most certainly taken great time and care to read in order to find the perfect one. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy she remembers my birthday. I just wish she would not sign them and I could use them again....cards are expensive. The last card I received from her was signed Love, Juanita Marie Immel. Don't know if she was trying to reinforce who she was for me or for herself.
At Christmas time, I called Mom and told her Roger was wondering when he would get his annual package of Christmas fudge. She decided that she could make fudge and send him some since she was wanting some herself. She called me on the day she mailed the package and told me "That fudge isn't any good, they've done something to the sugar, it won't dissolve. I made 3 batches and threw 2 of them away because they are so sugary." I assured her that it would be fine, Roger would eat sugar with a spoon if allowed.
We anxiously awaited the arrival of fudge and when it arrived I tore into the package immediately. Inside the box was an aluminum pan full of............fudge? I have to tell you, it looked like a reindeer had "crapped" in the pan in big blobs. It was pretty unappetizing to look at, but once again Roger isn't too discerning when it comes to sweets. Also in the box were 2 Lifesaver "books" (you know the kind that have 10 rolls of Lifesavers stacked inside what looks like a little book. However these had gummy Lifesavers and there weren't enough for all the grandchildren so I ate them! There was a smallish parcel wrapped in tissue paper bearing my name which I put under the Christmas tree to unwrap on present day. There was also a box of blueberry muffin mix?
I called her to let her know that the package arrived and to thank her and in the course of the conversation, we had the following exchange.
Me: No, I'm saving that to unwrap on Christams day.
Mom: I know you will like it, they are really popular right now. (Insert excitement on my part thinking she got me an IPOD)
Mom: Was the fudge awful?
Me: No, Mom, it's fine and thanks for the Lifesaver books. You sent those because Grandma Sawyer always sent me those in my Christmas box didn't you?
Mom: She did?
Me: Yep, every year along with books to read she would send those. I guess you sent the muffin mix so I could make Christmas breakfast?
Mom: (Silence)
Me: Mom?
Mom: (More Silence)
Me: Mom....are you still there? I was asking about the muffin mix.
Mom: What muffin mix?
Me: The blueberry muffin mix you sent in the package.
Mom: I did?
Me: Yes, mom you did.
Mom: I wondered what happened to that.
At this point I will leave you to ponder what was in the package for me and what was wrong with the fudge. Do not fear Chapter 2 will be forthcoming.

Such a Pretty Fat

Seriously, anyone who is weight challenged needs to read this book. Jen Lancaster is a total riot and I'm sure she must be my long lost younger sister. Her books are the type that you can consume in a day because you simply can't stand to put them down. Her other books are "Bright Lights - Big Ass" and "Bitter is the New Black". Try reading one and you will have to read them all.
I just finished "Fat" and she just may have inspired me where all else has failed.
On another note....Grandson's all region band concert was today and goodness can those kids play! I am constantly amazed at how a group of kids who don't play together daily can produce such lovely music in such a short time. They played an arrangement of Be Thou My Vision (which is my favorite hymn) that brought tears to my eyes. I am just splittingly proud of Kody and I pray he will be able to take his musical ability and use it for a great life.
Don't know what is up with me but right now I feel like all my nerve endings are sitting on the outside of my skin. No, it isn't too much Tylenol PM, I don't take them very often. I'm afraid one of the characters out of my dreams will appear in real life. I really think that my worry factor is at critical mass and my frustration level is falling .5 point under that. I need a get-a-way before I pull a run-a-way. I should totally have a T-shirt that reads "You are hitting on my last nerve!"
Guess I'll trot my fat butt off to bed and hope for a better tomorrow. Go away winter....I'm tired of you now.

One More Thing

I am sooooooooo excited. They have brought Friday Night Lights back! I can hardly contain myself but I must try since Roger thinks I have an unnatural obsession with anything that reminds me of my high school days.
Now if they would just resurrect The 4400 my life would be complete. I am so worried about all those people who came back after being abducted by aliens and then just disappeared into TV land never to be heard from again. Very strange and unfair I think.

What Dreams May Come

Anyone who knows me well knows that lately I have had trouble sleeping (as evidenced by the fact I am blogging at 11:45 at night!) Watching TV you see the lovely peaceful commercials for Ambien or my personal favorite the gentle floating butterfly effect of Lunestra. Not for me though, there isn't a doctor alive who thinks that it isn't perfectly ok for me to spend practically 2 years of my life with hardly any sleep. I have desperately sought some sort of relief....no caffeine after 5:00 in the evening. Nice warm baths with candles and wine. Reading, meditating, counting sheep, counting dogs, counting money....you name it I tried it. I have on occasion considered suffocating myself (just kidding!)
So...I decided that I would give Tylenol PM a shot. Holy Cow! Where has this stuff been all my life? As a former debilitating migraine sufferer, I have practically rendered myself impervious to medication but this stuff is "the bomb."
I can take it, turn on the TV and the next thing I know it's morning, my mouth is dry as the desert (which probably means I've snored like a logger all night long.) But, just as no good deed goes unpunished...neither does any good remedy.
The dreams are WILD and so vivid that I literally can remember them in perfect detail the next day. I've shared a few of these flights of fancy with a few of my family and friends who I'm pretty sure now have Harbor View on speed dial just in case. But the one I had the other night was quite possibly the most interesting one I've ever had. Brace yourselves girls this is going to take some time.
It all began with the little Edwards girls who for some reason were in need of me dressing them for school. I kept putting their socks on and realizing that their socks were purple. Being the snappy dresser I am I knew they couldn't wear purple socks with their school uniforms so I was very concerned. At this point, their mother appeared and reassured me that all I had to do was turn them inside out. So I did and sure enough they weren't purple on the other side. However, they were brown. So...I decide to buy them more socks. Apparently the only store in dreamland was an outdoor outfitters store. Yep, log cabin decor, trophy animals the whole nine yards. At this point Genevieve and Audrey are no longer involved in this dream and thank heaven for that. Working in the store is an extremely well built young man wearing spandex biker shorts. Watch it...I know what you are thinking..but I hate spandex biker shorts with a passion. Now, here's the really interesting part. His spandex shorts are completely transparent in the posterior area. Yikes! I was just wrapping my mind around his unseemly attire when a stagecoach, cowboys, Indians, trick riders on horses and a zoo wagon starting circling around inside the building. I hope you are laughing at this point because I am splitting my pjs myself right now. Mercifully the dream ended somewhere during the circus acts but when I woke up boy was I confused! So I guess the Tylenol PM is going to have a short lived run.....darn it. Although, I could just continue to take it and continue to regale my loyal followers with my dreams. I have to run now, I think I hear the little men with the white coats knocking on the door. :)

Call to Duty

Well, this morning I showed up at the courthouse bright and early for my jury duty orientation. After looking for a parking place for - e - ver, I finally arrived in the courtroom, filled out my little info card and clock watched. People continued to trickle in, soon the room was filled and bailiffs were bringing in chairs, benches, etc. to seat everyone. Now I ask you if they know how many people they have summoned, couldn't they be a little better prepared? The time to start was 9:00 am and people were still arriving (parking is a Beyotch downtown). Right at the witching hour a man came in and informed the court administrator that he would need a sign language interpreter. It clearly stated on the summons that if you had either hearing or visual impairments and would need special dispensation to let the court know in advance. Long story short....9:45 we were all sitting and waiting on the court appointed interpreter to arrive, park and present herself for service. Next question: Why would they simply not excuse this man until the next term and explain that he needs to give them proper notice as to his needs? But no, 450 people sat and waited because of 1 person.
Calling the roll took almost an hour, then the judge did his explanation of what would be expected of us as jurors. Then we were divided up into 5 sub-groups (which involved calling the roll again for the show ups) and told when we needed to report again.
At this point, the unthinkable happened, the judge asked for questions. OMG! Were these people not listening when he went over this for 1/2 an hour? One woman asked if she needed to bring her medicine on the days she was scheduled to report. Are you kidding me? Does she think the court is going to recess so Mrs. X can run home and take her Prozac? It's a good thing I'm not the one who has to answer these kinds of questions. I would have told her, yes dear, please do bring your medicine with you unless you take it anally. Another lady decided this would be the perfect time to get some free legal advice on the situation she had when her neighbor backed into her car. One woman wanted to know if she needed to arrange for childcare for her children after school. Gee, no honey, the Big Yellow A-Team Bus will swing by and your precious darlings will be picked up and put to work with the inmates picking up trash. You may collect them after 7:00 at the city jail. It just goes to prove what I've always said. People don't read....people don't listen and part of the problem with the judicial system is that most people who have time to serve on jury duty fall into those don't areas.
Of course, OCD sufferer that I am already has formulated many plans to improve their way of conducting business. Perhaps alphabetizing the names of the juror pool so that you could estimate when your name would be called during roll instead of sitting fixedly, straining to hear over the chorus of coughing, sneezing and nose blowing. The only thing missing were crying children and the fact that no one brought their kids is a miracle of epic proportions which leads me to think the end of time may come soon.
Another improvement would be having color coded cards with 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 on them along with the date to report and date to call prior to reporting for each group, stack them up 1 - 5, 1 - 5, 1 - 5 etc. and begin at the beginning of a row and have each person take one. These 2 things alone would cut about 30 to 45 minutes out of the orientation process.
All that being said, I am excited to serve. I think it will be interesting if I get picked to sit on a jury. However, the judge told us that today would most likely be the only day we ever had to show up because most of the cases in this county are settled out of court. Bummer....I was counting on the $50.00 a day!

Out of the mouths of babes

I'm surprised young people ever let their children out of their sight. The things that kids will tell you without any prompting whatsoever can absolutely make your hair curl. The bad thing about some of their impromptu story telling is you can absolutely get your feelings crushed by what they say. That old adage "Little pitchers have big ears" is very true to point. They hear everything that is said and some of it is processed as fact. And, if they've heard it from someone they trust, then they feel comfortable repeating it.
One of my favorite commercials is the one where the little boy is talking about his family's vacation and refers to his baby brother as his mommy's little souvenir.
I love listening to my grandkids when they are relaxed and comfortable enough to just chatter away. Lately I have had one give me manners lessons for proper restaurant behavior. I didn't realize that I had a problem touching plants in pots but apparently she just wanted to make sure that I understood that we musn't never ever touch them or the mirrors.
As a grandparent you are able to gauge how well your grandchildren's parents like you and you always get to hear what is said about you. The best you can hope for is that the children must have certainly misunderstood and press on. It surely impresses on YOU the need to NOT say anything about their parents because it will most likely be passed on at home. You've gotta love kids, they are so guileless in their innocence that they are able to impart great wisdom without even trying. What a shame they will eventually grow up and learn to color the truth to fit a particular situation. It would be nice if they never had to learn how bitter are words that are spoken in haste and anger. How easy and sweet they are to release and how difficult and sour they are to take back. The nasty taste of hurtful words never completely leaves your mouth and they remain even longer in the ear that hears them and the heart that receives them.
I'll bet schoolteachers could all write a book every year of their career and fill it with the little gems of insight that emerge from their student's fertile little minds. Although there would probably be a landslide of lawsuits trying to stifle the information that has innocently been imparted.
For my part, I believe I will cautiously watch what I say around my little ones and hope that while they may hear a profane word on occasion, at least they will never hear me speak ill of someone that they love.

Think Spring!

As one who always suffers from the after the holiday blues, I am officially promoting an early spring. I always feel better in the spring, more hopeful and less worried. This year will be particularly challenging so I am trying very hard to keep my spirits up and not sink into the depths of despair.
There are so many variables that factor into things, the economy which will determine the success or failure of Roger's new business. My ability to find employment which is also hinging on a shaky economy. The health of my mother which seems to be deteriorating daily and given all the aforementioned things makes a trip to see her not a very easily accomplished option. The happiness of family members. And perhaps the most critical one, the health of Roger and I since we are without health insurance at a time in life when it is pretty important. Roger has had a persistent cough now for 3 months and he refuses to go to the doctor. This causes me untold amounts of worry. He has spent enough money on cough syrup, Claritin D and various other forms of over the counter the medicine to have spent a week in the hospital. 2 rounds of antibiotics didn't touch it largely due to the fact that he continues to smoke while medicating. Very frustrating and scary to say the least.
We were able to do Christmas without charging a single thing and this is a very positive thing for us. Now we both need to concentrate on watching our spending. Me in the household area and him in not using our personal funds for business expense. I will be analyzing our expenses and probably cutting back on a lot of things such as cable, etc.
I have had a fairly large pity party the past 3 days, feeling unloved and unappreciated by just about everyone. I know we all go through these moments but I really have a hard time shaking them off once I give in to them.
Must go, just wanted to clear my head a little and update my blog background to something totally NOT holiday related. THINK SPRING!