On the dance floor that is. The show opened with the pro girls dancing to "She's a Lady" Interestingly enough neither their moves or their costumes conveyed anything remotely resembling a lady. Mercy Me - don't I wish I could move like that those gals and we won't even go into the fact that their bodies are the Cadillacs of our gender. I always tell Roger "that is what I look like before you wake up on Sunday." I don't think he believes me - after all he HAS seen the size of my underwear.
First to dance was that Debi Mazar person. I'm sorry but her appearance disturbs me - her face kind of looks like Picasso had a hand in constructing it. It doesn't have a lot of symmetry. She and my hubba hubba man Maks did a Salsa dance. I confess I had to deliberately focus on her because I am prone to zone in on that chest, that smile..............**SNAP** back to the business at hand. Debi danced a little flat and heavy footed and I found myself wanted to see someone loosen the screw that would release her hips. She's got some she needs to learn to shake them. MY SCORE: 6
Melissa Joan Hart dancing a waltz with Mark Ballas was pretty but again very heavy footed. I honestly think she has some potential so I'm taking a wait and see attitude here. MY SCORE: 7
Mya and Dimitri - excuse me while I gush! The Viennese Waltz was absolutely lovely and she is beautiful to look at. A great couple and obviously Len has a cob up his butt tonight because you can't please him to save your life. Loved every second of it. MY SCORE: 9
Next came Kathy Ireland dancing Salsa with Tony. When did she lose that pronounced jawline she was so famous for? Her hip shaking looked like two people had her hipbones on strings and they were systematically alternating right, left, right, left. Again, girls unscrew your hips and let them swivel. It is almost like they think they are going to embarrass themselves by shaking their attributes. MY SCORE: (5)
The swimmer Natalie and her Salsa with Alec was almost a good dance. She was much too careful one got the feeling she was mentally running a list in her head - do this, now do this, then do that. Put some pep into it Natalie and you could win it all - she has great lines. MY SCORE: 6
Macy......I may have to not comment on this one for fear of really offending someone. I guess every season needs some comedic relief. I kept having the feeling she was just going to say "screw this and walk off the floor." I think she views herself as quite the diva and thinks she is above all this. I don't like people who do things with distain. And are you kidding me Len?! Puh-leeeeeeze! After trashing much better performances he gushed, told her he would vote for her and then gave her a 4? I'm done here, this was beyond ridiculous. MY SCORE: 4
Joanna Krupa and Derek last night's competition for the "adorable factor" danced the Salsa. Well one thing is for sure no one is gonna pack a costume quite this good. And at long last, a girl who knows how to make her fringed britches smoke. This was a great salsa, Derek is near genius in knowing how to present his partner to the best of their ability. MY SCORE: 9
And now the one I have secretly been waiting for - Kelly Osbourne. Hopefully, someone has been feeding her no profanity drugs for several weeks. As a closet watcher of the reality show "The Osbournes" I am confident that she will slip at least once and drop the "F" bomb. I'm guessing it will be Len who finally pushes her past the point of tolerance and unleashes that tongue. I have to say they have done a magnificent job of "prettying" her up and she's got the cutest little grin and can come across as positively likeable. And now for her dance. She and Louis (who I personally think is one of the best dancers I've ever seen) danced the Viennese Waltz. Well slap my fanny and call me Sally! That was absolutely a lovely dance (I cried). Who knew that little booger had that in her. I am so impressed and thrilled for her. Had I been an official judge I could not have penalized her for the lifted foot, I wouldn't have had the heart. And how wonderful to know that Ozzy still has enough brain cells left to know what a beautiful thing she was to behold. And she seemed to absolutely love it! Yay Kelly - you have officially become my cause. Vote for Kelly!!!
The 1st relay dance pitted Natalie, Debi, Kathy and Joanna against each other in the Foxtrot. I was unimpressed with all 4 in this dance they all looked a little lost. But I have to choose one so I pick Natalie. Joanna and Derek were almost too far apart in their hold for my liking. My Pick: Natalie Judges Pick: Joanna (adorable factor at work)
2nd relay dance competition between Melissa, Mya, Macy and Kelly doing the Cha Cha Cha. This was too cute and they all did great with the exception of Macy who I have a difficult time watching. I'm thinking the judges will pick Mya while wanting to pick Kelly. I'm going to pick Kelly although Mya was near perfect and Melissa did a great job pulling her performance level up. My Pick: Kelly Judges Pick: Mya
So now for my prediction - who's going home tomorrow? Ashley, Chuck, Macy and Debi should be prepared.
Thanks for reading.
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