Dancing With The Bores!

The fact that I have a serious addiction to a few things is no secret to my friends. FarmTown for 1, "The Tudors" for another, Coca-Cola, dogs and Dancing With The Stars. All of these things give me tiny little pleasures to look forward to apart from those that I look forward to as a member of a large family.
However, this year I am so not blown away by DWTS choices of "celebrity" and I use the term loosely.
Let us examine closer:
Aaron Carter - I actually thought this was a recent Greenwood High School graduate. Turns out he is the younger brother of a Backstreet Boy. Since I am not familiar with the BS Boys anyway the younger brother of one fails to move me to excitement.
Natalie Coughlin - ? - Olympic Swimmer. Well Olympians have historically done well in this competition but I'm afraid this will be "a fish out of water."
Mark Dacascos - I confess I am a little excited by this one since I also am a closet Iron Chef watcher. They need to let him do double duty and announce the dances as well "This weeks secret dance is................The Paso Doble!"
Tom Delay - Former Republican House Majority Leader - I won't even comment on the probable hundreds of improprieties here. He's a politician 'nuff said!
Macy Gray - R & B Singer - would probably love to hear her not so sure about watching her.
Ashley Hamilton - son of the "TAN MAN" George Hamilton. Does this make Ashley "BEIGE BOY"? He's kind of pretty to look at but he's certainly no Gilles Marini **sigh**.
Melissa Joan Hart - star of "Clarissa"???? and "Sabrina the Teenage Witch"?????, apparently there was a whole decade of TV programming that I missed. Have I been in a coma lately? If not this seasons DWTS is likely to put me there.
Kathy Ireland - Super Model - heavy on the SUPER. Well if setting one's jaw in determination will win it she's your girl. She has one of the most pronounced jaw lines I have ever seen. Of course, she will look great in the costumes.
Michael Irvin - Dallas Cowboy Football Star extraordinaire! Football players usually manage quite nicely in this program. I like Michael pretty well in general so I will give him a pass on my scathing comments.
Joanna Krupa - Supermodel - Who?? Another great costume wearer I'm sure the wardrobe department is having to be sedated due to their EXTREME anticipation!!
Chuck Liddell - UFC Champ. I'm not completely sure what UFC is and why they have a champion. Since there's an F in the title it must be some sort of fisticuffs. **Yawn**

PEOPLE ARE YOU QUIVERING WITH EXCITEMENT YET?

Debi Mazar - actress - and I'm pretty sure the wife of one of the Volturi from the Twilight saga. I just find her strange looking and wouldn't be surprised if she came to the competition wearing a trenchcoat and packing heat to blow away the other dancers.
Mya - R & B singer - Again, could we hear her perform please. She could be a ringer since I believe she was in the movie "Chicago". She may indeed have some moves worth mentioning. Besides she is one of the one name celebrities like "Michael" "Cher" "Prince" they always try harder to be noticed.
Louie Vito - snowboarder - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I'll refrain from anything else **SNORE**
Donny Osmond - well this was a no brainer. The whole time Marie was on the show I kept expecting him to leap up from the audience, throw a body block on her and step in to take her place. Never have I seen anyone who wanted to be on this show more. And of course since he has like a Bajillion cousins there will be no way we can avoid watching him through the whole thing.
AND
I SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST...........drum roll please..............
Kelly Osbourne - HAHAHAHAHAHA ROFLAMAO HAHAHAHAHAHAHA **gasp** deep breathing to try to get my hysterical laughing under control.....LOL. I would just hate to have the job of the censor on this show. This girl cannot construct a sentence that isn't so vulgar and crude that one's ears bleed. I'll bet they are equipping their "bleep" button with rapid click right now. The "F" bomb is her adjective of choice and I can just hear her telling Carrie Ann to go straight to the devil in much plainer English. Hopefully, Ozzie won't be there and Carrie Ann can forego the trip.
And that's the way I see it friends and neighbors. I hope that something will happen to "hook" me early on 'cause right now there's not much to make my heart go pitty pat.