Scary Beautiful? Or Just Plain Scary.....

It would seem we have reached the end of our tether where shoe design is concerned. On what planet would these seem like something we would all rush out to purchase? Rushing out will be possible, rushing back.......not so much. Wearing these shoes, causing one to have to bend in an angle akin to someone on the downhill side of life with a bad back and even worse knees makes going anywhere in a hurry impossible. In fact, one highly recommends a nice adult diaper to round out this outfit as you aren't getting in the porta-potty wearing these ankle killers.

To move in these cripplers you have to semi-crouch and walk like a headliner in one of those currently "all the rage" Zombie movies.

Reportedly, these were designed "tongue in cheek" to poke fun at the way we tend to take "beauty" and "fashion" to the extreme. But....it would seem Lady GaGa has decided she needs a pair.

So....couple these shoes with the "meat dress" and she is going to be easy pickins' for the pack in Twilight.

Scut Farkus Had Yellow Eyes!

Funny how random conversations can spur memories you had managed to squash way down under several layers of guilt and shame.

Working with a web developer today (shout out to my good friend C) via Skype I mentioned I owed him many beverages of choice. Several selections were mentioned and then the “T” word broke through. You know that stuff named Jose who proclaims to be a friend of mine and contains a nasty little critter with no legs?

I suddenly remembered a really fun evening spent in the company of really good friends who always had my back and my best interests at heart. Well……except when it came to that “T” stuff. I was pranked, I was punk’d and eventually.....well....drunked.

I felt FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC. Yes.I.Did.

Untillllllllllll..................the next day. I woke up thinking I'd been on the horn end of a charging rhino. Feeling my way to the bathroom with one hand, clutching my pounding head with the other, I reassured myself with the fact that I was, at least, still alive.

Lifting my eyes to the bathroom mirror, I saw a strange yellow deranged thing looking back at me. Yes, it's true........my eyes were yellow. Blue and yellow is kind of a nice combo in a country kitchen curtain, but one does not want to be on the inside looking out of yellow eyes.

And as if that were not bad enough, I learned the next day I had to be physically restrained from leaving to board a plane and going to Chicago (this was waaaaaaaay before 9-11, when one could have those impulses in flying). Oddly enough........I don't know anyone in Chicago and I can't imagine why I wanted to go there. I blame Scut Farkus and his evil yellow eyes.

WHY?!

Why are boots so darned popular? Now? Of all times, now? When neither my body style nor my feet are boot friendly.

Boots...........particularly red boots. I love them with a passion reserved for all things chocolate and microwave popcorn. I've had red boots in the past, lots of them. I was very vain about my red boots. I've had red knee high boots, red Roper boots, red boots with fringe that matched my red suede fringed jacket. I'm pretty sure all these items were associated with a time in my life when I was HOT, or THOUGHT I was HOT.

Now, boots have turned on me - made for those of skinny calves, sturdy feet and butts that aren't 2 ax handles wide. I still have a couple of pairs of boots, nice sensible black ones with zippers. And each time I approach said boots, I say a little prayer that I will be able to zip those puppies up over my fat little legs without catching my skin inside the zipper.

Inventor friends, any ideas in the works for Expando-boots?