Dear Bachelor

I want to like you. For a while now I’ve kind of been a fan of yours, but now you are starting to trouble me.

I think it is humanly impossible to be “crazy about” 5+ girls at the same time. Perhaps you should develop a vernacular that can be used as a “rating” system.

I really admire your character
I think you are one of the most intelligent girls I’ve ever encountered
You are just the cutest thing ever
Seriously girl, you are making my heart race
I’m crazy about you

If you insist on telling everyone you are crazy about them, pretty soon you are going to experience “crazy” of catastrophic proportions.

Also, I question the wisdom of putting a girl with a physical handicap in a Roller Derby arena. Really? I think that girl is an amazing person, but that’s a little beyond intimidating.

And lastly………..pay close attention to the cutesy pie who says and does all the right things – (come on now, you know who I’m talking about.) Watch her body language and that of others when she is around. If people are circling her like a poisonous snake, take heed.

Oh, wait…..I have one more – lose the excessive tongue kissing with EVERYONE, that is really starting to gross me out.

Sincerely…….pick the girl from Arkansas, she seems to be the real deal.