Ugly Glasses

After years and years of losing things and spending hours every day looking in obscure places, I have finally figured out what the secret of losing and finding. If something has value, chances are you are going to misplace it or lose it altogether. We’ve probably all had something that we truly loved or treasured only to have it disappear from our lives, either temporarily or permanently.
I continue to be stunned at the number of old stray dogs that wander around surviving all sorts of dangers and conditions. And then, know firsthand the heart breaking loss of a little dog that meant everything to my daughter, my granddaughters and me.
People driving around in vehicles I like to call POS never seem to have an accident to put that poor rolling wreck out of its’ misery. But, you take a car someone really takes care of - both internally and externally and there is an accident just waiting to pull a demo derby on your treasure. And it is almost a given there will not be an insurance policy in force to help salve your injured spirit.
I’ve had neighbors actually keeping farm animals in their backyard inside the city limits. The joy of listening to a rooster crow all day is slightly diminished when one doesn’t have the rest of the “country” ambiance to insulate it. Yet, nothing is done about the barnyard. But, let my dogs have one measly little marathon bark fest in response to barnyard fowl and suddenly all the neighbors are involved in city government.
One of my scariest moments of losing happened when I was babysitting my granddaughter, Audrey. She and I were sitting side by side on the couch watching TV when she disappeared into thin air! I turned around to talk to her and she was gone. It was obvious she was gone as she would not answer me when I called, nor could I find her.
The short version of this story is she was hiding in almost plain sight, but I could not “see” her. She eventually responded to a bribe of watching her favorite movie but not before I had desperately searched for her everywhere including my bread machine.
I can’t count the number of times a day I look for my phone, wallet, keys or glasses. Of all the things misplaced daily, the glasses are the most dangerous. If I have my glasses I can usually track down the other items after frustrating games of hide and seek. But, since I have to have glasses to find glasses, their disappearance is the most problematic.
At last count, I had four pair of glasses – three prescriptions and one pair of questionable appeal. My ugly glasses or UGs as I call them, came about during a shopping trip in Amarillo with two good friends. I was not mentally in an “all there” frame of mind and had managed to get escape without my glasses.
Me on a shopping trip is dangerous on its’ own, without my glasses the results could be apocalyptic. So, I decided to buy a pair of those “easy reader” glasses. In hindsight I am wondering if I was truly mentally ill or maybe chemically enhanced because I bought the most hideous pair of glasses imaginable.
Peacock blue plastic nightmares I probably thought would bring out the fading blue of my eyes, are shockers! The first time the “hubalump” saw them, he actually did a double take and that was interesting because he typically doesn’t move that fast. Nor is he usually that observant.
But, as ugly as these ocular aids are, I’ve come to love them. The reason I love them is they never ever hide from me. At every second of every day they are readily available. You just have to embrace that kind of dedication.
Not only do they refuse to be lost, they appear to be “unbreakable” as well. Recently while sitting on my bed, watching TV and playing Farmtown (a guilty pleasure) on my laptop, I noticed a most uncomfortable feeling in my posterior. I tried re-shifting my weight thinking perhaps I’d been there long enough to develop a pressure point but that didn’t relieve my discomfort.
After several moments of deep “seated” pain, I stood and discovered I had been sitting on my ugly glasses. Okay, some of you have seen me….this could have and SHOULD have meant the demise of my UGs. But no. They were completely whole, they were in fact not even bent.
So, now I have to wonder. Since my ugly glasses have achieved importance and no small degree of affection in my life, does this mean they will suffer the same fate of all other things valued? I fully expect to “lose” them now so I am appealing to Denise and Karen. Please revisit that cute little shop and pick up a spare pair of truly appalling glasses just in case.
I have no doubt that any moment now I’m going to need a replacement for my beloved ugly glasses so I know I can count on you who love me to “fix” me.
PS – just as I was about to send this article winging on its’ way – my UGs turned up missing. Step into my tent dearie and let me read YOUR future – I just put a fresh shine on my crystal ball……now where DID I put my turban?