LET.IT.GO

Yes, yes, I know.  We are all sick of  THAT song!  But this isn’t about Frozen.  Or……maybe it is.  Maybe it is about being Frozen in a moment, a place, or perhaps just in time.
There is no one on earth that knows better than me just how hard it is to just open your tightly clasped hands and release your captive into the wind.  Sometimes we want to hold on to it because it makes us feel good.  In spite of the writhing struggle to be free, we want to hold on to it for our own sake.  And then, sometimes we hold on to things because they make us feel bad.  And in feeling bad, we feel good.  It’s like picking at a scab – it hurts like crazy but gives us pleasure at the same time.  Neither of these scenarios are healthy for us.
It is hard to admit we made a mistake.  Hard to admit we trusted or loved the wrong person.  Hard to admit that maybe our situation is partly of our own making.  Hard to admit we were wrong…….about anything.  Been there……done that.  More than once.
This weekend I was honored to attend a wedding.  In a weird and convoluted way I was a member of the family of the groom.  His father was once my nephew by marriage.  I have been happy to know that I am still liked and cared for by my nephew and his family.  I think they get IT.  The IT being – things happen, people change, love alters, relationships twist and turn and life evolves into different images.
Through a weird twist of fate, I was seated directly across the table from my ex-brother-in law.  I could tell that he had no clue who I was and was struggling with his inability to place me particularly after I spoke to him and told him it was nice to see him.  Trying to bring clarity to him, I spoke often of my children particularly my son who was named after him.
The moment of clarity happened for him and then his discomfort really increased.  He had a difficult time staying at the table and even trying to engage anyone in pleasant conversation.  It made me sad.
It has been decades since his brother and I bid one another farewell.  Yet still, the unhappiness within him remains.  I know it did not help him either that the mother of HIS children was there as well.  He maintains the same icy coolness where she is concerned but to a much larger degree.
It truly broke my heart that while most of us were celebrating a love story he was harboring past hurts, massaging old wounds and not enjoying the joy that was all around us.  At one time, I thought enough of him to name my child after him, therefore he will forever hold a place in my heart as long as my son bears his name.
The longer you hold on to pain and anger the more it speaks about you and the less it speaks of the people who hurt you.   It starts to appear as if YOU are the one who is holding on to a captive butterfly refusing to let it take flight.  And if you are complaining that the butterfly is injuring you while you are holding it so tightly, people start to wonder why in the heck you want to hang on to it.
Just…..LET.IT.GO