Hmmmmmm….there is a lot of talk these days about body image, fat shaming, and even comments about “Twiggy” for the overly thin people. What is weird about this is the fact this is almost always a female thing. Good Lord aren’t we hard on one another? There have been people (usually females) on Dr. Phil who are sickened by “fat people” and feel the need to tell them so. Yeah, that helps. And guess what? The fact you feel that way doesn’t need to be verbally expressed – it oozes off of you in waves.
This is an issue I have real personal knowledge about. My whole life I was thin – super thin (however, I always had a pretty ample sit upon) – I never had to be concerned with hearing the “good grief you ate that entire carton of ice cream in a week?” comment. I was thin, therefore socially acceptable in the eyes of MOST people. I was mean as a snake…..but thin.
I was able to meet my thinness up close and personal. There was a reason for my thin….and my meanness…..it was this little tiny gremlin named Thyroid. Thyroid had a lot of issues…..he liked to run too hot and then he liked to lay around and sleep and he did these things in a never ending cycle that lasted about 6 weeks. He would be burning up the roads for 2 weeks and then as he was cooling off I never knew he was around but boy when he decided to stop….he crashed. And then, the cycle began again. Over and over and over. I came to learn that Thyroid was my worst enemy AND as it turns out, my best friend all rolled into one little ball of pain and suffering.
Thyroid and I had to break up. It was a painful parting – he didn’t want to go, but leave he did, leaving behind painful memories of his grip on me. Thinning hair, nails falling off, a skeletal looking body, trembling hands, and memories of emotional devastation too horrific to share.
As Thyroid was laid to rest, my new acquaintance Better Health began to come around. But Better Health liked fat girls….a lot. I’ve often said losing old Thyroid was the equivalent of 50 pounds of ugly fat falling from the sky and landing on my body. Nothing about me had changed. I still ate the same things in the same way, I still did the same things but without Thyroid driving my car off into the ditch every cycle I could not combat the weight gain. I felt better…..so much better….but I started to look like that person that other people assume is sitting on their asterisk eating box after box of chocolate candy and washing it down with milkshakes. Was I always eating the “right” things? No. But I was eating the “same” things as before not realizing that I would have to make an immediate re-adjustment of everything in my life. Was I exercising? Again, no. I never had to exercise before, therefore, it just wasn’t something I felt was important. One thing had changed though – that little wicked step-brother of Thyroid named Stress was growing up and becoming more and more powerful.
Stress liked to take life events such as death, sickness, loss of job, financial worries and family problems and stir them into a simmering pot of instability and worry and spoon feed them into my every waking moment. Stress didn’t like Better Health any more than he liked Thyroid. And, Stress LOVED fat girls, he loved them so much he was constantly working to make sure they stayed that way.
As I learned to live without Thyroid, there were times I missed him. After all, nobody seemed to mind when I was too thin – but now, I felt like the punch line of jokes at home, at work, everywhere. And so, I learned to “get myself” before others had a chance. I said I was fat before I had to listen to anyone else call it to my attention. And let me be clear here. Calling it to my attention wasn’t always a overt thing. My body image, or lack thereof was made manifest more often than not by the lack of comments at all.
The days when I tried extra hard to look as good as I possibly could and no one bothered to say “you look really nice today” – those hurt. And so a new cycle began. One where I decided first that before anyone could NOT say anything positive to me I would make sure I had first put on my armor of self degradation because saying something negative about myself hurt far less than other people saying nothing at all.
So, yes. One’s body image rests primarily within their own mind. But, I have to wonder why can’t we all try to see the struggle in someone else and give them some positive reinforcement? What is lost by simply opening up your mouth and saying “wow, you look really nice today!” And, let’s do it before the body image challenged person has to ask “do I look okay?”
We all get upset with people who talk badly about themselves but do we realize how desperately they are wanting and needing some positive affirmation in life. The very act of saying negative things about themselves is in itself a cry for help. Ignoring that cry is almost as hurtful as turning your back on someone who is starving.
For myself, I’ve come to the disturbing realization that I will never again be a size 10 or even a size 12. Because, no matter what I do…..nothing will compensate for the lack of my friend Thyroid. All I can hope for is to keep my body strong and as healthy as I can and try to look the very best I can look for MY size. And try to keep a lid on Stress’ jar. And, while I know I should never depend on anyone else to make me feel good about myself, the fact that they do means everything to me. It encourages me to continue to try to do better, be better and feel better. Just because we are adults does not mean we don’t need those little “atta boys” from time to time.
“When virtues are pointed out first, flaws seem less insurmountable.” – Judith Martin
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