DIY - Part Deux

In the spirit of Do It Yourselfers everywhere, we occasionally step off the slippery slope into some pretty rough waters.  I have learned our DIY gene kicks in most often when our bank account is most lean.  And on reflection...this is probably when we should most definitely resist DIO (Doing It Ourselves).

If you know me at all you know I am a person who doesn't mind being alone.  In fact...I prefer it most of the time.  But God has an amazing sense of humor and it seems he enjoys challenging us with our preferences.  I.Am.Never.Alone.  EVER.  Please understand, I wouldn't like to be alone always, but sometimes would be great.

In my quest to have a moment alone I recently offered to transport a dog for a friend  **side note: I don't mind having animals along for the ride**

I picked up the dog and all her stuff and went home to finish gathering my items for the trip and when it was time to leave, my car wouldn't start.  Now...the car had been having some issues in this area.  We don't like to be proactive about issues.  We like to wait and do those knee jerk reactionary things that usually cause far more problems than we originally had.

Battery.  We thought.  New Battery.  Nope.  This issue had tendrils of catastrophe wrapped all around it - paid cash for the battery except for $18.00 on the debit card.  And, when we returned the battery, they refunded all $118.00 back onto the debit card (which takes 4 - 5 days to show up).  Now...we have a cash crisis on top of everything else.

It is now starting to look like it is a starter issue.  Or, a non-starter issue as it were.  So, collectively we foolishly decide to DIO.  Since the car won't start it is a non moving hunk of metal sitting on a driveway incline.  Efforts to push said hunk of metal onto car ramps proved problematic.  So, we pushed it into the street and pushed it rear first back onto the driveway.  Now we have gravity at our disposal and can effortlessly push the car onto the car ramps.

Which we did.  However, like I said gravity that fickle witch worked so well we went up on the car ramps and right back off the front of them.  At this point, I removed myself from the DIY project and took to my bed.  A tow truck arrived, the car departed and I rode the bus to work the following Monday (there's a story there too, but I'll not bore you with that one.)

My amazing children paid for the car repairs with the explanation they were probably getting out easy.  I think they thought having to pay for waffles and gas for the LEGs might have been more expensive in the long run.  LOL

Just to clarify, neither myself or my husband are totally inept.  We are actually quite good at fixing things, etc.  It is just a further indication of our old friend gravity.  When we are struggling the most, gravity seems to work against us by making everything we attempt just a little bit harder.  And constant struggles seems to cloud one's thinking and more than minimally diminish confidence levels.

But, the good news is we continually to struggle on.  We haven't thrown in the towel yet and we do have faith that this too shall pass

DIY - Does This Mean DIE - Like in Expire, Pass Over?

Apparently DIY (which is an Acronym for Do It Yourself) could be construed to mean DIE sucker DIE!

DIY is all the rage right now and yes, I confess to having been chomped on by the DIY bug.  I blame my mother whose phrase "don't pay for that we can make it" still resonates with me and I find myself using it from time to time.  And while it is true I have these twinges of guilt over it because I know that the person whose item I am mentally cataloging has spent time working on for the purpose of making MO-NEY.

One thing I have learned is if I am going to DIY (both literally and figuratively) I need to find a block of time when the hub-a-lump is not in residence.  This adds a whole other level of skill to the project - trying to DIY without being noticed....and helped.

Recently, I had this idea...

Yes, I realize...big deal it's a pot of flowers sitting on a table.  But wait....in this case, the umbrella goes through the pot and through the table and into the stand.  I thought myself most clever.  Darling hubs had the idea to shield the umbrella pole with PVC pipe to prevent it from rotting due to exposure to wet conditions in the pot...GREAT IDEA!!!  Really.  He even went and obtained all the supplies to make this project ready to DIY!  However, I am a lot more like my mom than I would like to admit and when I have these moments I want them to happen NOW.  So 2 weeks after supplies, I decided to DIM (Do It Myself).  I carefully measured and cut the PVC pipe (easy peasy) then I cut a hole in the inner tray of the pot (did that with kitchen shears - again no problemo).  I was ready to tackle the hole in the outer pot.  At this moment, help arrived.  My help whipped out his trusty Bosch drill and attached a tool to it that looked like it could ream a hole through the earth all the way to China.  Inverting the pot, he commenced to drill.  The second that razor sharp paddle thingie touched that plastic pot an explosion happened.  Plastic shards flew everywhere (and no kids we weren't wearing our safety glasses).  This resulted in a different explosion, one of the human variety as my help was not happy with the first explosion.

The upshot was I went back to the lumber yard and obtained another pot and then I used a fireplace lighter to heat up the plastic and push it around until I had a hole of sufficient size to fit over my umbrella pole.  I would like to say all were happy but me having a successful piercing of the pot didn't help the climate at my homestead one bit.  But now we are over it and neither one of us is telling the other to DIY and I've moved on to my new project.

Again, it doesn't look like much, but you have to imagine it hanging from my patio cover ceiling at night.  All that is left on this is to hang it - something I can't do as the thing weighs 1/2 as much as I do but I am hopeful this can happen without anyone having to DIY (literally.)

Yes, I'm Hacked Off and I'm Trying to Get Over It.

Maybe you have noticed and maybe you haven't.  Maybe you've noticed but just didn't give a big fat rip.  I have been AFB (Absent From Blog) for many many moons.

There are several reasons for this not the least of which is there just hasn't been that many interesting or funny things to talk about of late.  And the things that I could talk about would probably result in me further alienating people.  Hmmmm, let me see....do I really care about this one?  Let me get back to you on that, the jury is still out.

One can speculate all they want about what the problem is but if you know me much and have listened ever you will probably figure it out.  Let's just say that throwing snow at a tiger's head will get you just about the same result as crapping on someone who has really tried to help you, and has sacrificed a lot to do the right thing.

I will leave you today with one thought.....allowing someone to be themselves is an important part of life.  Everyone wants to be accepted for who they are, warts and all.  I've found the people with the biggest freaking character flaws are the most judgmental and unforgiving humans in the world.  And....if you have a history of not liking a certain set of people over and over again, chances are you are the stinking fly in the ointment, not them.    Grrrrr.

Tricksy Trickster

I don’t know what gets into me sometimes.  I try to be good…I promise.  But I have these moments.  Moments usually brought about by random events I view as unnecessary.

Moments like having to give your phone number as you are checking out at a store; or having to fill out multiple “forms” in a single location.  I mean really.  Does the front desk NOT share information with the people in radiology?  Come on now.

And so, I stage my own form of mini-rebellions.  I tend to participate in ridiculously silly rules and procedures, but I do so erroneously.  Not in any way that would endanger my health and safety or anyone else’s, but rebel I must.

Recently, during an evening out with my BFF and favorite partner in crime, Judy.  I really didn’t intend to be flying in the face of normalcy.  But, it seems I just can't help myself.

If you know me at all, you know shopping is not my thing.  I hate trying on clothes and while you might think this was brought about by my changing body style, it is not.  I have never, let me repeat…NEVER enjoyed the whole trying on clothes event.

But, there are times when one must get naked in a strange room with unflattering light and fattening mirrors and try to find that perfect garment that will make you look 25 pounds lighter.  And so, shopping we went.

As we were wandering around the store with multiple hangars draped over our arms, we were approached by a very nice sales associate.  Relieving Judy of her burden, she informed her she would “start” a dressing room for her and asked for her name.  With Judy’s name in her ear and her prospective purchases on her arms she dashed off to place them in a room for Judy’s convenience.

And then she returned with the same offer for me.  Asking for my name, I promptly and without hesitation replied “Dolores.”  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Judy clap her hand over her mouth and go dashing to the front of the store, shoulders shaking.

After she had composed herself, we both availed ourselves of our assigned dressing rooms.  Sure enough, there on one door was a dry erase board bearing the name- Judy.  And another, “Delores” – please notice she misspelled my phony name.  The.Nerve.

I’ve thought about this and I can’t explain what made me do it.  But, on further reflection I’m going with this explanation.  What if someone were stalking me?  If they came in the store looking for me, they certainly aren’t going to look behind the door named “Delores.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.  Although I think next time out Judy and I will simply be Thelma and Louise without the car crash.

Knowledge Hard Learned

Things I Was Taught

Children are to be seen and not heard – this one worked to my advantage most of the time.  I sure heard some interesting stuff as a kid.

Look but don’t touch.

Don’t show up somewhere uninvited.

Being bored is not an option and work is mandatory.  There is no excuse for lazy.

Playing outside was also not an option.  You came in when you were told to and not before unless there was spurting blood.

Give your boss $2.00 worth of work for every dollar he gives you.

Understand that your boss will probably not recognize that you give more than he pays for.

Always return what you borrow.  And,  if you break it – fix it or replace it.

Don’t come to resent the people who have been kind enough to lend something to you.

Forgive and forget and if others can’t do the same for you, move on.

Be yourself, someone will like you for it – most will not…deal with it.

Be kind.

Be thoughtful.

Allow yourself to be “emptied” at the end of each day so that you can be “refilled” the next.

Respect all living things particularly those that are little, old or depend on man for their survival.

Just because you have an opinion on something doesn’t mean it HAS to be expressed.

Allow others the respect of their opinions whether you agree or disagree.

All conflicts could be ended by one single person deciding to give up power and control.

And certainly not least…realize God is driving your life, you are only a passenger.  Try not to jerk the steering wheel out of His hands…you will wind up in the ditch.

The Night Night Police

It is good to be the King!

Good dog Cooper has achieved his role in our household as the King of the pack. He rules with a firm yet benevolent hand.
Cooper is by nature a nurturer. It is he who cleans everyone's eyes and washes their beards and mustaches. He plays with them roughly or gently as the situation calls for. He watches over all, he worries about things and he adapts and adjusts beautifully to most situations. Except for the occasion when someone tries to achieve favored status with his beloved Genevieve. This will not be tolerated! She is HIS human and HIS alone, and quite frankly he cannot understand why she would ever need or want to entertain the affections of anyone else, animal or human.

Sometimes I have to hold everyone down in order to take care of them.

Lately, I’ve noticed Cooper has decided it is his job to make sure all the trains run on time and nothing is forgotten or missed. If someone has been left in the yard, he lets you know, especially if it is himself that has been left there too long. He will announce loudly and long that he has been outside far too long and needs to come back inside………..NOW!

Mealtimes are also his bailiwick. He makes sure the food bowls are filled at a proper time and he monitors each portion with the eye of a practiced dietician. Sometimes he’s so busy checking out everyone elses consumption he forgets his own and has to have a special mealtime alone.
Of course, Cooper also makes sure no animal, cartoon character or President Obama escapes from the television. He holds them all at bay with a fierce dedication to duty.
And now Cooper has taken on a new job. He has decided none of us have enough sense to go to bed when we should. When he is ready for the house to quiet down and get still he sits in front of me and grumbles. If I ignore the grumbling, he will pat me with his paws until I get up and start bedding everyone down.

Just what I needed….someone else telling me what to do! If he starts laying out my clothes for me in the morning and packing my lunch, we are going to be rich.

Meanwhile the Queen Mother, aka resident Diva Daisy reclines on her cushion and sleeps!