Recently, someone of some celebrity seemed to indicate that women tend to make their sons more spoiled and entitled than their daughters. Indicating that we expected more from our girls and less from boys.
I'm not sure what she bases this opinion on having never raised boys herself but I beg to differ.
In my case, I raised one of each of these little critters and I can tell you for sure I was much harder on my son than I was my daughter. However, my daughter was extremely hard on herself, she had this inner drive to succeed and she pushed herself much too hard. And, it wouldn't surprise me a bit if she argued that I was tougher on her.
Coming from the background I did I expected my boy to be brave, to not be a cry baby, to exhibit more masculine traits. This had to be hard for him as he has a very tender heart, a sensitive spirit and a great deal of creativity which lends itself to a softer side. He also has a very hard head and a strong will. He isn't prissy at all, he likes guy stuff, has been known to resort to fisticuffs on occasion and I have no doubt he is all man. But, I will say there were times I enabled my son in some wrong thinking mainly because I was just so worried about where he might land in life. For a pretty long time I was solely responsible for both my kids and it is danged hard to be the only adult/parent in the room. Sometimes, you just get tired and you let down and you let them down.
I am a huge believer in personal accountability, I think decisions you make you HAVE to own, and learn from, and do better. I am not a fan of excuse makers. If you try hard enough you can find a good reason for almost everything you do that places the blame on someone else. My children's father is a man of many stories and in every story he tells he either emerges as a hero or a victim (more often the latter) whichever suits his purpose. I've often said that if he were a book, every chapter ended one page too soon. But to continue would cast a whole different light on the story he tells.
Blaming others for our shortcomings just isn't productive because not stepping up and owning your stuff stifles your growth and eventually creates a mindset and trend that only gets worse as you get older.
My biggest advice to anyone is to realize that none of us have had a perfect life. We have all crashed into the potholes of life and come out stinking. But every dip in the road, crack in the wall, or obstacle placed in our path provides us with two choices. 1) Take that imperfect life and use it as a foundation to build something far better. ....or.....2) Take that imperfect life and wrap it around yourself as a blanket of excuse and never have anything better to show for yourself. Because, that warm lack of accountability blanket eventually becomes a shield that repels every effort and good thing coming your way.
Entitled and spoiled men often share three things....1)Money 2)Power 3)Control - and every one of those things is an absolute corrupter if we are not vigilant.
So, no. As a woman, as a mother I refuse to accept that I might be responsible if my son was a jerk (which he isn't). He has a mind, free choice and the intelligence to make his own decisions. I will own the fact he was first and therefore my human lab rat, my science experiment in parenting. I made a lot of mistakes. I also did some really good things and in the end, he's a pretty decent human being....in spite of me.
