The EYES Have It - The EARS..........Not So Much.

The so-called "Golden Years" are a bit of a lie some days.  I think most of my contemporaries can agree that we are in complete amazement that we have reached mid-sixties so quickly.  Inside, our minds are mostly still young and vibrant.  We don't consider ourselves old fuddy-duddies.  We still like good music and good food.  Every now and then we still get that nice warm tingling feeling in spite of the fact it offends the younger set.

But no matter how much you try to take care of yourself and do the right things, your body is working on its own little blueprint for life or something much much darker.

I still vividly remember the day it dawned on me I could not see to thread a needle without a very bright light and a magnifying glass.  This affliction has now moved to requiring me to wear one of those not very attractive headbands with the Coke bottle lenses in order to sew or read.  Learning how to increase the size of things on my computer monitor was one of the best days I've had in a long long time.  The fonts on my phone are very large and if you drop anything smaller than a quarter around me, you are on your own for finding it.

I now understand why my mom always complained about not being able to use a bathroom away from home.  We'll not belabor that one any further.  But, I understand, mom, I really really do.

As annoying for me as all these little aging challenging are, they only annoy ME.  But the last one is one that seems to amp up the annoyance factor for the world in general.

Probably the worst thing that has happened to me in my later years is the loss of a great deal of my hearing.  I wear hearing aids that are very helpful and I am so grateful for them.  Without aids, I still hear - but it is like seeing the world in only black and gray, there is no vibrance in sound for me.  In short, everything "sounds" gray.

As I have dealt with this for over a decade I thought it might be good to help others understand the world of diminished hearing people and hopefully dispel a myth or two that I have encountered along my journey.

1)  "You just don't try hard enough to hear"  Well, exactly how hard should I try to hear when I am often having to resort to lip reading because you speak in very low tones or do not properly enunciate your speech?  I've cranked the hearing aids up to the max setting and I am still unable to tune in Tokyo so help me out here.

2)  "If you have difficulty hearing why don't you wear hearing aids?"  Ummmm, actually I do.  Bummer for you that they now make them where they are more attractive than an ear bugle and are discretely hidden for my own vanity's sake.

Mine are similar to this except mine are much smaller and hide nicely under my hair

3)  "You aren't wearing your hearing aids today are you?"  Right.  I'm not.  Because all the crap in the air that is making you sneeze your head off and your nose run and your head ache is also making my ears itch like crazy.  It's all connected people that is why there are EAR, Nose and Throat Specialists.  Spring and Fall do not hearing aids like.  And, yes, some days I just want things to be quiet and telling people to shut up is not a viable option.  Pity.

These are just a few of the questions and statements I get to deal with pretty routinely.  But believe it or not, these are not nearly as bad as the attitudes of other people.  Rolling your eyes because I have asked you to repeat yourself for the 3rd time hurts my feelings.  Please refer yourself to number 1 and think about how YOU might help me a little more.

Turning away from me while speaking (aids or not) means your sound just went from me to the other part of the room and I'm not going to hear you.  I realize how annoying it is for society as a whole for me to be hearing impaired- I really wish I could spare you that.  It's a freaking picnic for me, wish you were here.

Talking to me in a crowded room or any group setting is going to be "iffy" at best.  If I'm wearing my hearing aids I am having an overload of sound.  I might hear the guy 25 feet away and not hear you because the aids are not able to think out which sound is the most important.  And if I'm not wearing them it is because I just cannot deal with the overpowering sound of so much stuff.  I hear clocks ticking,  road noise is deafening in a car, slamming doors make me think you are furious with me, and dogs barking?  Please.  Think about it for a minute.

Those bothersome captions on the television are a necessary evil for me, and yes, it annoys me as well when they are directly over the weather warnings.....again, not my fault.   But I do this mostly for others because I feel it is less problematic than the TV volume being at a super sonic level.  And I do confess, I have been known to have the volume cranked up AND the captioning on, all at the same time.  I get tired of reading.


Needless to say unless you and I are alone in a room, I am now incapable of conspiratorial speech.  But, one thing you won't have to worry about, if I don't hear it I can't repeat it.  In short, whispering is lost on me.  I truly miss those sweet nothings........now they are merely nothing.

Here is the upshot of MY hearing problem.  My world becomes smaller and smaller because I try to protect myself from things I don't think I can manage well without ultimately causing annoyance in someone else.  Trying to figure out what they are saying on the announcements in an airport is challenging.  It isn't their fault, they know what they need to say and are used to spilling it and they proceed on their merrily efficient way doing just that.  So, I can't understand and since there are no digital read outs that tell me what they said,  I am forced into the annoyance of other people by asking "what did they say?"

I have a lovely church with enormous high and beautifully crafted ceilings and a very good pastor who truly loves his flock and wants to be among them.  This means he stands on the floor of the sanctuary and speaks over a wireless mic.  He is by nature a very soft spoken man and sooooo..........most of the time I cannot follow the sermon at all.  I am hoping God gives points for presence.  That being said....next week I am swallowing what is left of my pride and trying out the churches hearing system to see if that helps.  I've promised I would.

Just in general I find myself becoming more and more reluctant to interact with people because of the probable questions or easily identified signs of frustration with me because I can't hear them.  I think it has dimmed my well known over exuberant personality to a large degree.  I am still able, willing, and need to work and can in almost any setting except a busy call center or the drive through window at a fast food joint.  I have an impressive resume and all of my skills are intact.  And, with a minimum amount of accommodation I manage beautifully.  Convincing potential employers of this fact is proving difficult.

In closing, please note - I do not consider myself DEAF.   To do so would diminish the truly amazing people in the world who deal with the true deafness that makes my issues pale in comparison.  I do hear, just not well.  The deaf community are truly heroic amazing people who don't view themselves as handicapped.  I hope, they instead view themselves as truly special and wonderfully unique.  I once attended church with a deaf lady whose children were the most beautifully behaved kids I'd ever encountered.  The mere sight of her lovely fingers signing "hush", would  paralyze them in their seats much more effectively than parents who were continually having to talk to their children about their behavior.







I am lucky, very lucky, and I know it.  What I also know is that this issue is one that hearing people don't completely understand.  I believe it is easier to understand the completely deaf  than those of us on the fringe with a mild to severe impairment.  For some, a silent world is all they have ever known, but for some of us, the silence is growing by the day - and quite frankly, we are frightened.  We still want to be what we've always been....fun, engaged, and productive but a lot of that is going to depend on you to help us adapt, adjust and feel included.  I still remember my husband's dad sitting in his chair while the room resounded around him with laughter that he recognized.  But, since he hadn't heard what was said to precipitate that laughter, he felt left out.  I recognized and sympathized with his isolation in those moments.  Been there.....not heard that.

And, at the end of the day, make sure that this is a sign we all know and use a lot.  I. Love. You.