Sunday, August 24, 2014

Baby Daddies, Baby Mamas - Time to Lose Those Cowboy Pajamas

I will probably offend, anger and downright piss off quite a few people with this one but I have decided I really don't care. Part of what is wrong in our world today is we have become too afraid of offending someone. In short, as a people we are quickly losing our voice when it comes to the things we will stand up for and not stand for at all.
Silver2treakRecently, locally, there seems to be a trend developing. Young girls in their mid to late teens who have decided the cool thing is to have a baby. I'm not talking about accidents here - these appear to be deliberate acts of blatant irresponsible pregnancy. Because after all, we all know it is easier to prevent pregnancy today than to prevent the common cold. Gone are the days of surreptitious visits to that seedy little gas station bathroom to drop a quarter in the machine. Today, there is no stigma attached to purchasing condoms and there are a lot of clinics, etc. that hand out birth control pills like they are M & Ms. And then, there are also those questionable "after the fact" solutions. In most cases...if you get pregnant, it was choice you made.  And apparently you all have been drinking from the same Kool-Aid pitcher because all of you know each other and are "friends."

Both parents (and I use this term loosely for lack of a better one) in these situations are a) not married, b) unemployed, c) still living at home with their own parents and d) not interested in furthering their educations. To my way of thinking they are "playing" at life in the most irresponsible manner possible and down the line there will be little children who suffer the most from this game.

If you can see the social media pages of some of these kids (and I can but probably won't be able to after this) you will see baby daddies who are obsessed with taking "selfies" of themselves shirtless in the bathroom. Guys who at one moment are espousing the glories of marijuana and drinking and fighting for their "woman" and in the next breath talking about Jesus. One such young man currently has a baby born this week and is also "anxiously" awaiting the birth of another one after the first of the year. Of course, there are two different baby mamas. And this is not his first rodeo either. A year ago there was another baby. What the helicopter!?


How low can self esteem be for these two girls to even remotely think this is okay? They are beautiful girls who should have the world at their feet and good decent guys vying for their attention and instead they are now heavily tatted up and knocked up young women who are looking at a long and difficult road. Baby daddy is never going to step up and be a man who takes care of these children. Even if he at some point decides to try to do so, he will most likely choose one and the other will be left in the cold. Think about it for a moment - there will be 2 day care bills if anyone decides they need to work to support their own kids. Two sets of identical back to school supplies and clothing needs, two of everything for almost 2 decades. However, no one is worried because welfare, food stamps and all the other programs out there for the disadvantaged will be available. And these kids are already calculating how much they can "get." They are willing for their children to grow up learning to be users and takers instead of movers and shakers. And as long as we as their parents, friends and concerned on-lookers allow this to continue, it will not stop.

You would like to think these young adults come from disadvantaged or underprivileged backgrounds, but most of them don't. They are the offspring of ordinary middle classed people who have worked hard all their lives to do better for themselves and to provide well for their children. And now, unfortunately, it would appear they will spend the next 20 years of their lives continuing to struggle and provide for not only their adult children, but their grandkids as well. Now...we all know that once you are a parent it is a job for life, but where is it written that you must also relieve your children from the responsibility of their own ill advised decisions?  Especially, when it was a choice they consciously made.

If they never know the hardship, pain, sacrifice, worry and uncertainty of parenting how can they ever know the joy of children well raised?  How can they ever feel that heart bursting pride at graduations and weddings and all those milestones their children reach?  And if they are not guided correctly, how confident are we that these babies will ever reach for the stars with sure hands?  Or are they most likely to settle for "being" instead of "doing", content to barely get by in life?

And so, young baby daddies it is time for you to shake off the appointments of your childhood. Man up, grow a set, be an example of something other than tattoos, selfies, smoking weed, drinking and screwing. First of all - be a responsible citizen and take the lead in making sure you don't create a life you aren't ready to give your life to and for.   Be responsible for your own birth control - there is nothing unmanly in being responsible.  Respect those girls enough to not be the cause of 9 months of swollen feet, heavy bellies evolving into dirty diapers, spit up, sleepless nights and constant worry.  But, if it happens, be men....real men.....instead of being baby daddies...become fathers who teach their children something other than the easy road.


And you precious young women. Look at yourself, see what we see...the potential you have left untapped. The self respect you have thrown away by allowing yourself to be used by someone who only sees you as some sort of vessel for their use will be hard to retrieve. Find someone who can do something for you instead of merely "doing" you. And remember...each lapse in self respect you allow to result in a child will make it that much more difficult for you to ever find someone who is worthy of being your husband and the father and parent of your children.

We've all been there...anyone who says otherwise is probably lying.  We all want our children and grandchildren to think we were perfect when we were young.  But really.  We've all been in love and we've all been wrongly in love a time or two. Some of us are infinitely grateful we didn't have to pay the price for loving badly. We can all remember the heart stopping, can't catch your breath and pulse pounding need to be so close to someone. We will never be too old we can't remember. We all fantasized at some point in our young lives about having a child with someone we were so in love with it made us physically ill. But, for most of us...that also included fantasies of white dresses and honeymoons and then living blissfully in that little house with the white picket fence and THEN the pitter patter of little feet.

Sometimes it worked that way...sometimes it did not. You are not unique you are not the first person to make a mistake. But it is now up to you to figure out how you can make the best of your situation. How are YOU going to make life wonderful for your child? What are YOU willing to sacrifice for that little baby? And what are you NOT willing to allow your parents to do to make YOUR life better. Time to put away childhood things and behaviors and enter the world of grownups. You've made a decision to be here so we all want you to be a real citizen not just a guest or visitor we have to be responsible for.  Putting aside any moralistic ravings - let's look at this in a simpler form - "when did it become okay to just be irresponsibly stupid?"

And the quicker you step up the better your life will be. Because even if your parents remove the responsibility of your baby from your shoulders, things are about to get real. No longer will everything be about YOU. While your parents would happily step between you and a train, they will now forever be more than willing to step between YOU and that child if you are perceived as a threat. It won't be about what makes YOU happy and content now. It will be about that child. So if you want the same things from your parents you have always enjoyed, you had better learn to be a good parent to your child.

So, in is what you make it. You can make it a “less than”  life for you and another generation or you can grow up, pack away your video games and princess tea party sets and have a great life. Your baby deserves it but he or she can't get it for themselves - it will have to come from you. And remember, your family may be disappointed in you right now,  but they love you and always will. Try to remember that little fact while you are trying to convince them you are a bad ass dude who doesn't need anybody's advice. The time is approaching when you will find out just how bad ass you.are.not.  At the end of the day it will be your family that stands with you till the end.  The kind of devotion and love your family has for you is deserving of something in return FROM you.  Please don't dishonor everything they have done for you by giving your best to someone who wouldn't stand beside you in the fire.

And, parents....God bless your hearts!  Hopefully you can try to instill in your daughters a sense of their own self worth.  The knowledge they are better than just someone's punching board.  And if you find yourself dealing with your precious baby girl's pregnancy please take as much control as you can.  Don't allow that "boy/man" to further disrespect your daughter OR you.  Make them accountable or make them gone.  Do not allow your entire family to have to deal with the jerk that has not given your daughter the respect she should have.  Even if she doesn't expect it for herself - you need to DEMAND it for her.  Someday she will thank you for it.  Do less and she will forever know, you did not value her enough.  And worse, HE will know that as well and treat her accordingly.

**This message was husband approved**