Monday, October 14, 2013

Tricksy Trickster

I don’t know what gets into me sometimes.  I try to be good…I promise.  But I have these moments.  Moments usually brought about by random events I view as unnecessary.

Moments like having to give your phone number as you are checking out at a store; or having to fill out multiple “forms” in a single location.  I mean really.  Does the front desk NOT share information with the people in radiology?  Come on now.

And so, I stage my own form of mini-rebellions.  I tend to participate in ridiculously silly rules and procedures, but I do so erroneously.  Not in any way that would endanger my health and safety or anyone else’s, but rebel I must.

Recently, during an evening out with my BFF and favorite partner in crime, Judy.  I really didn’t intend to be flying in the face of normalcy.  But, it seems I just can't help myself.

If you know me at all, you know shopping is not my thing.  I hate trying on clothes and while you might think this was brought about by my changing body style, it is not.  I have never, let me repeat…NEVER enjoyed the whole trying on clothes event.

But, there are times when one must get naked in a strange room with unflattering light and fattening mirrors and try to find that perfect garment that will make you look 25 pounds lighter.  And so, shopping we went.

As we were wandering around the store with multiple hangars draped over our arms, we were approached by a very nice sales associate.  Relieving Judy of her burden, she informed her she would “start” a dressing room for her and asked for her name.  With Judy’s name in her ear and her prospective purchases on her arms she dashed off to place them in a room for Judy’s convenience.

And then she returned with the same offer for me.  Asking for my name, I promptly and without hesitation replied “Dolores.”  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Judy clap her hand over her mouth and go dashing to the front of the store, shoulders shaking.

After she had composed herself, we both availed ourselves of our assigned dressing rooms.  Sure enough, there on one door was a dry erase board bearing the name- Judy.  And another, “Delores” – please notice she misspelled my phony name.  The.Nerve.

I’ve thought about this and I can’t explain what made me do it.  But, on further reflection I’m going with this explanation.  What if someone were stalking me?  If they came in the store looking for me, they certainly aren’t going to look behind the door named “Delores.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.  Although I think next time out Judy and I will simply be Thelma and Louise without the car crash.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Knowledge Hard Learned

Things I Was Taught
Children are to be seen and not heard – this one worked to my advantage most of the time.  I sure heard some interesting stuff as a kid.
Look but don’t touch.
Don’t show up somewhere uninvited.
Being bored is not an option and work is mandatory.  There is no excuse for lazy.
Playing outside was also not an option.  You came in when you were told to and not before unless there was spurting blood.
Give your boss $2.00 worth of work for every dollar he gives you.
Understand that your boss will probably not recognize that you give more than he pays for.
Always return what you borrow.  And,  if you break it – fix it or replace it.
Don’t come to resent the people who have been kind enough to lend something to you.
Forgive and forget and if others can’t do the same for you, move on.
Be yourself, someone will like you for it – most will not…deal with it.
Be kind.
Be thoughtful.
Allow yourself to be “emptied” at the end of each day so that you can be “refilled” the next.
Respect all living things particularly those that are little, old or depend on man for their survival.
Just because you have an opinion on something doesn’t mean it HAS to be expressed.
Allow others the respect of their opinions whether you agree or disagree.
All conflicts could be ended by one single person deciding to give up power and control.
And certainly not least…realize God is driving your life, you are only a passenger.  Try not to jerk the steering wheel out of His hands…you will wind up in the ditch.